Support for the Journey

"When I started learning with Lori I did not know what to expect. After the first session I felt invigorated as a parent. There was so much insight I gained on what is actually going on for me in my parenting and how I may be parenting. I immediately started to integrate thinking about why I have a particular emotional response to a parenting situation prior to responding. 

I realized that when my son’s behavior is challenging for me that many different things are at play inside him as well as inside myself during a challenging interaction. I would say my aha moment was learning and understanding that sometimes what my son is saying is not what he is “saying”.  Meaning that he will express his emotions with words that are not necessarily what he feels so I can’t take what he says for face value but need to be intuitive about how he is saying and what the situation is.  I also was given tips from Lori as to how to extrapolate more information from my son in safe way for him.

All of this is still a work in progress, but has helped my son and I to communicate more effectively as well as to not sit in conflict feeling confused. I have found that has helped both my son and I be able to relate to each other  on a more loving and productive level".

 " Working with Lori in the Parent Learning Lab  has taught me so much about better long term parent strategies. She gave me so much knowledge of better ways to help my children to have the tools they need for themselves. Parenting is a constant evolution and Lori really broke down my struggles and gave me real answers to how to help my family better.

I have always been a problem solver. If one of my kids needed or didn’t need my advice, I was ready to give them words of wisdom. I created kids who didn’t try to figure out their own problems. Even when they tried, I was right there to suggest my resolutions because I “knew better” as a grown up. But what happens when a parent gives all the resolutions? My kids have a hard time dealing with problems

when I’m not there or worse they don’t even want to try.

Lori gave me a game plan to give my kids the tools they will need to be more empowered individuals. My kids don’t want me solving their issues and making all their decisions, I was attempting to give them the parent I wanted growing up. The Parent Learning Lab really helped to teach me so much of what I needed to deal with from my childhood and how to separate it from my parenting with my kids.

I am forever grateful for the lessons and information that Lori shared with me. More importantly I am grateful for simply having someone to give me advice and knowledge that I don’t have. My family

is constantly growing and changing as my kids age and now I feel more confident in the ability that they will have. Discussions at home can now open us up to thoughts and ideas that we all have to help each

other problem solve."

"Working with Lori definitely gave me the opportunity to reflect on not only my own parenting, but on how I was parented. I realized that so much of my own fears as a parent came from the way I was parented. I also think it helped me to see that I needed to stop thinking about tomorrow (the fears of what if my child won't...? what if my child can't...?) and just be present. What is my child going through NOW at this moment and how can I guide them and support them? This positively impacted my relationship (and my husband's relationship) with our child. 

Working with Lori definitely helped me to understand the things I was doing as a parent that were holding my child back. For instance, I often jumped in to problem solve FOR my child, when really I needed to give them space to figure it out on their own. I often assumed my child's own anxiety was the same brand as mine, but it turned out to be quite different. So initially I was putting myself in her place and saying Oh, this is what she must be feeling, when really I needed to look at her and HEAR her to understand that we are very different people. I gave her room to express her very specific emotional needs and began to truly respect those needs.

Working with Lori had a very positive impact on my relationship with both of my kids. Though my daughter was the main focus, it helped me to understand my son and his own emotional needs much better. It also helped both kids understand one another's emotional needs. As a family, we are very tuned into what each person's needs are much more than we were before. Working with Lori has cultivated a family culture of openness and honest talk that has helped us through transitional periods in the kids' lives." 

"To distill what I learned working with Lori into a single sentence I would say I learned how to parent the actual child that was in front of me, rather than some idea of the appropriate child who grows at a

typical speed. 

Because new challenges are constantly erupting, it is sometimes hard for me to see my progress as “success,” however, I can look back on the general mood of when I first reached out to Lori when my boy was about 5, and compare it to the mood now that he is 12.

I remember feeling confused and panicked. My boy did not seem mentally slow, but he was so idiosyncratic with weird specific requests and needs. He was bossy with me, and although he

sometimes seemed to behave normally, he sometimes acted so strange, babyish and cuckoo. I couldn’t really sort out what the triggers were, and I felt desperate and inadequate.

 Lori was able to act as a calm and clear translator, interpreting my boy’s actions and explaining his point of view in language that I could understand. She was bilingual in Child and Parent! I began to have some insight that my boy was struggling with certain delayed skills, especially with

communication of his needs, rather than that he was disrespectful or oppositional.

In the first few years, my boy’s behavior seemed to change very little.However, my own panic receded. I was reminded that whatever today’s challenge was, it didn’t mean that it would escalate to reform

school as a teenager or jail as an adult. I began to see, with the passage of time, that some of his weirdness did relax and morph into different things, each of which could be managed just now without an emotional projection into the future.

 As I was calmer, it was easier to manage with him day by day, and we had more fun together as I let

go of many of my own rigid expectations for him. And so, he matured in his own way at his own pace, and our day to day life was calmer.

I feel I have learned from parent coaching, and I have accepted the child I actually have.  I am backing off, and seeing what he is capable of, and it seems to be more that I had thought. I have put him in a

more supportive school setting, and now I am not the only one for him to lean on. I can breathe and relax into my own life and I see he is a person who needs to learn things the hard way. He will not take

advice. It’s frustrating for me, but I get it. Through it all, we have a solid and strong bond, we share a sense of humor, and I feel optimistic that if we continue to take the current problems and issues

one at a time, without projecting too far into the future, that we will limp along imperfectly, but safely and happily, and that’s  success too."

"Our success story started years ago with a sentence that changed the way I look at the behavior of children. Lori  introduced me to the concept that children generally want to do well but not all children naturally know how to. She taught me that if they can, they will. I began behavioral therapy for my child and parent coaching 10 years ago when it became apparent to me that the expectations that come with school, was a source of anxiety for my child. I had assumed beginning school was exciting for all children, but for my child it was not. The teachers didn’t have the ability to work one on one with students, due to large class sizes and my child began to be seen as “behavioral”. At the time I didn’t have the answers but I knew I needed to learn how to support my child.

Through parent coaching I learned that my child was reacting to the frustration of not knowing how to navigate social situations. Once I understood that there were reasons for particular behaviors, it helped me learn how to support my child in developing the social / emotional tools that did not come naturally. While other children seemed to naturally have these tools, my child needed to learn them. After many years of success with parent coaching, I had the opportunity to attend The Parent Learning Lab (PLL).

The Parent Learning Lab teaches & reinforces a non traditional approach to parenting that allows parents to remain in authority while showing empathy and support. The parent is equipped to support/guide the child in reflecting on behavior, learning frustration tolerance and coping skills in a way that traditional discipline doesn’t teach. PLL provides insight into a child’s development and parenting methods that support a deep connection with our children. As a parent, understanding our children is the key to supporting them and advocating for them. The group environment of the Parent Learning Lab is supportive, resourceful and insightful. I recommend this program to parents, teachers and caregivers of children of all ages."